So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
