I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
