MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
