She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
