why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
