she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
