I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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