You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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