If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
