I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
