we have officially lost it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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