I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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