I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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