That's intense
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
