so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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