Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
