im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
