forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
