as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
