hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She said her name was "party"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
