i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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