If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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