how can u be prego again
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
