Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
