I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
