I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
