I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
