Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you will always have a special place in my vag
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
