Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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