my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
