I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
