You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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