So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
