Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
