i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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