Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
