honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
