I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so let's talk penis.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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