Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
