I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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