When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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