i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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