just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
