yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
