Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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