it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
