i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?ďż˝
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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