i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
