forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A+ Viking dick
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