Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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